So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
