my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
