i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
