I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
