OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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