its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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