I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
