So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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