You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
