It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
