I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
