apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
false alarm, still single
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