Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize