My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
