oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
