I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
