shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
