Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
