you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
