Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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