Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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