Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
