Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
