I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
