Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
