I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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