franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
