Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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