Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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