please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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