and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
