made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
