i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
