im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
