We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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