A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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