How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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