A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
