I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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