ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
