my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
