I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I want her autograph on my taint
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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