At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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