i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I party with great urgency now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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