fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
