roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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