Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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