I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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