My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
