I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
