a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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