I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
