Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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