I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
