U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize