Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
