I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
