The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
