I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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