Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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