oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
