It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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