I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
