I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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