yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
