Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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