tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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