omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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