like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
